"Could you please introduce me to someone reliable? I have already lowered my standards to a man that I’ve asked for. How come I still have no boyfriend until now? I think my standards are not that bad ah. Is my fate not good? Is this what happens to a bottom like me? Do I have to be a leftover…… bottom…… all my life?"
Late Autumn. Guangzhou, Tangxia.
Chi Xiaoduo rode his bicycle and turned out of the heavy traffic in the city. Passing through the intersection, he saw an old man on the roadside, selling well-dressed white yulan magnolias on a stall.
As it was already winter, the old man shivered even in his cotton-puadded clothes. Chi Xiaoduo then went forward with his bicycle, bought a ten-yuan magnolia flower, and told him to close the stall early. Afterwards, he went to the convenience store and bought a box of meal to eat at home.
Going to work, off work, and eating all by himself.
Back home. Chi Xiaoduo was wearing his headphones, watching The Great Kangxi Emperor whilst laughing and eating his meal.
After his meal, he took out the garbage and mopped the floor. Facing the desolated four walls of the house, Chi Xiaoduo bobbed his head to the music as he did the housework and watered the plants.
He then took a shower after cleaning up. Looking at his phone, he saw that it was already 22:20. It should be time for him to sleep. Hence, he tidied up the quilt, turned off the lights, and went to bed.
Forty minutes later, a deafening TV program next door could be heard along with an old woman who was laughing hysterically. Chi Xiaoduo hammered the wall and roared.
"Stop making so much noise!"
Chi Xiaoduo clapped the wall and shouted at his last gasp, "It's eleven o'clock!"
Chi Xiaoduo had just lay down when a moment later the sound of the TV rose even louder. He still had to go to work tomorrow but the noise was making him mad. He forced himself to go out and hammered at the door next door, rapped and pleaded until the noise died down, before he finally wearily fell back onto the bed.
Having been awaken by the noise, Chi Xiaoduo was wide awake; he tossed and turned in bed. He felt his phone and then checked through his Weibo, when a call suddenly came. He answered it and wearily said "hello."
"Hey, Xiao fish, how are things with that guy I introduced to you today?" A male voice said with a smile on the other line.
In the twenty-six years of Chi Xiaoduo's life, although he liked guys, he had never fallen in love with anyone. Firstly, he dared not. Secondly, he dared not say if he liked that guy either, and lastly he dared not just fool around.
"Don't say it," Chi Xiaoduo said. "That guy is already married!"
"What?" The man on the other line was somewhat surprised. "No ah, he told me there was none."
Chi Xiaoduo said, "I already felt something wasn't right when I saw him. After chatting for some time, I bluffed and told him that I would also find someone to marry. As a result, he became quite ardent and taught me how to cheat on a marriage…… That's what happened."
"Alas, that's some weirdo," The man said. "Forget about it. I'm sorry, I didn't see that coming."
"Wang Ren," Chi Xiaoduo said. "Could you please introduce me to someone reliable? I have already lowered my standards to a man that I've asked for. How come I still have no boyfriend until now? I think my standards are not that bad ah. Is my fate not good? Is this what happens to a bottom like me? Do I have to be a leftover…… bottom…… all my life?"
The man called Wang Ren said, "Let me look out for you again. Have you rented out the room next door?"
"No—" Chi Xiaoduo said. "That's not important. What's important is a boyfriend ah."
"You should find someone who can rent the room first." Wang Ren then said, "I know a rich old man from our Cheyou Club; divorced and has a daughter. You want?"
"Why is it a married man again?" Chi Xiaoduo softly said. Lying on the bed, he swept his fingers on the photo of his male god, Hugh Jackman, and asked, "Is he handsome?"
"Not bad." Wang Ren replied. "He's witty and quite a loving man. He wanted to find someone to have a good time."
Chi Xiaoduo, "Do you think I can be a reliable stepmother?"
"What are you thinking about? Both daughter and mother have gone to Canada."
"Oh." Chi Xiaoduo said, "Is he bald?"
Wang Ren was silent.
Chi Xiaoduo, "......"
Wang Ren, "A bit, but not obvious."
Chi Xiaoduo, "Is his baldness on both sides or in the middle?"
Wang Ren, "You'll know when you see him."
Chi Xiaoduo, "Devil knows what I'll see! I'm dying. We'll talk about it tomorrow."
Wang Ren, "You have so many standards that people couldn't pass to them. When will you meet someone you like then?"
Wang Ren had to hang up the call. Chi Xiaoduo bewailed that it was indeed hard for a bottom like him to find a partner nowadays. He then fell asleep and had a nightmare where he was being encircled by a bunch of pot-bellied uncles so as to keep him as a paramour, as if a myriad of stars surrounding the moon. Frightened, he woke up early in the morning, brushed his teeth, washed his face, and went to work in a hurry.
"Morning, Worker Chi."
"Morning……" Chi Xiaoduo greeted everyone with a lethargic expression, took out the review materials and put them on his desk.
"Hey," The financial accountant came over, dragged out a chair, and sat down in front of Chi Xiaoduo. "Tootsie—"
Chi Xiaoduo used a "=.=" expression as he looked at the financial accountant.
This financial accountant was also GAY. When they worked in an architectural design institute, he often addressed Chi Xiaoduo as "sister~". Chi Xiaoduo initially fought against this several times and had said "I am a man," before he finally gave up and let the matter drift.
"I've found someone for you." The financial accountant said. "Are you interested?"
Chi Xiaoduo's spirit lifted at once, sat up straight, and said, "Do you have a photo? Let me see."
While looking for the photos on the phone, the financial accountant said, "First of all, what are you looking for in a partner?"
Chi Xiaoduo began to doubt the financial accountant, who usually just ask him to go abroad and to bring him some skincare products. In addition to this, when he couldn't find anyone to have lunch with, he would drag Chi Xiaoduo along. As an easily stimulated flopfish, Chi Xiaoduo always felt that the financial accountant had a little malignity.
"Why are you suddenly introducing me to someone?" Chi Xiaoduo asked in a low voice.
The financial accountant leaned back in a throwing hairstyle posture, and replied, "It goes without saying. Baby~ it's almost your birthday. I'd like to give you a present. It would be a good deed if I could act as a go-between, wouldn't it?"
Chi Xiaoduo, "Christ, you really had to phrase it like that!"
The financial accountant was all attention to choosing the photos, and said, "You should tell me what you are looking for first so that I can choose one for you. This gege however will introduce you to my personal lovers in the treasury house. They are all my top-quality spare tires. You don't need to fear that problems may arise."
He would introduce a spare tire to him? And he also has a lot of spare tires? It's not at all obvious ah, Chi Xiaoduo thought. Anyhow, since he doesn't need the spare, he'll...... just give it a thought and contrive this situation.
However, as Wang Ren had already given him a scolding, he frankly said, "I have no requirements."
"Aiya." The financial accountant said. "You yourself have so many fine requirements. How could there be none?"
Chi Xiaoduo said, "I just feel like it."
"Then tell me, what sort of man would you have feelings for?" The financial accountant said.
Chi Xiaoduo, "......"
Are you sure you want me to tell? Chi Xiaoduo thought.
Perhaps his OS was too loud, the financial accountant slapped the desk and said, "Can't you tell frankly?"
Chi Xiaoduo said, "Are you sure? Okay…… My requirements for a man are that he should be over 26 years old but also under 30. I don't want a younger gong. Also, with a height of 178-182 because I am 176; definitely not shorter than me. No more than 150 in weight; not too stout and not too thin. His face should be middle average, definitely not the middle-above level, at least not much different from me."
"An alumnus is better. His monthly income must be approximately 20,000 yuan; it must not be lower than me. He must not go on business trips that often. It's better if he's athletic, humorous, and knows how to open a topic. Even better if he knows how to cook. Not those who intend to marry in the future nor those who intend to have a sham marriage. Doesn't smoke and gamble. It's better if he's already out of the closet, has a sense of responsibility, kind-hearted, and an animal lover. He must have ideals in life, but not those who are too focused on work either. It's better if he occasionally read books, but not so much about reading the Tube Cone. At least the poetries of Tang and Song dynasties...... Where are you going? Come back ah!"
Chi Xiaoduo pulled the financial accountant's sleeve, who had no other option but to sit down once again.
"Wouldn't I keep him for myself if he was that exceptional?" The financial accountant said.
The two of them looked at each other for a moment before the financial accountant spoke again, "It's decided then. My male god, I'll give him to you. I'll fix the meeting, go and see him tonight."
By nightfall, Guangzhou was bustling with many people and the autumn rain rustled in the air. Chi Xiaoduo, wearing a scarf, sat in the western restaurant as he waited.
"Yes, I'm right by the window seat." Chi Xiaoduo said on the other line. "Table 10."
A man in a suit then sat down and said with a smile, "Sorry, there was a traffic jam."
"It's alright." Chi Xiaoduo nodded kindly, somewhat disappointed. Was this the male god that the financial accountant referred to? His hair was in a complete mess and oily, carrying a briefcase in his underarm. He also started shaking his legs as soon as he sat down.
The two chatted for a while, when Chi Xiaoduo said, "Chuan-ge had said you are a great man."
"Just so so." The man said. "Are you two in the same work unit? You're a…..."
"Designer." Chi Xiaoduo replied.
The man nodded. Chi Xiaoduo also asked, "What about you?"
"Insurance Manager," the man said.
Chi Xiaoduo hmm-ed, when the man opened up, "Let me introduce you to our company's new insurance type. Designers actually often stay up late or even all night. You can consider purchasing our accident insurance and medical insurance......"
Chi Xiaoduo, "………………"
The man spoke eloquently for a long time. Chi Xiaoduo put a smile on the surface as he listened, while there was a volcanic eruption in his heart that soon turned into a fire-breathing dragon and seized the financial accountant's neck before emitting the raging flames that condensed the wrath of the universe and stars.
After finishing their steaks, the man said, "I'm going to use the washroom. Anything else? I'll send you home?"
Chi Xiaoduo gathered the insurance documents, nodded as he set forth and settled the bill. Then, he borrowed a pen at the checkout counter and wrote down "Sorry I have to go first," and attached it to the insurance contract before putting his hands in his pockets and took the subway home.
"......You could have given it a shot," The financial accountant said on the other line. "My male god was heartbroken. How could you leave like that?"
"No way Jose." With the subway rocking, Chi Xiaoduo stuffed his headphones in his ear, and said to the mic, "Thank you anyway."
The financial accountant once again said, "When he said he would send you home, that means he likes you! Understand?"
"Mmn, thanks for liking." Chi Xiaoduo replied, thinking he himself should also thank the other party, but it's impossible to take him home and have sex ah!
As the night began, the drizzle swirled in the air and flickered in the lights.
Xiang Cheng sat on a big bag in the train's aisle, with his phone in hand, looking up from time to time at the luggage rack. On it was his password leather suitcase. Every jolt of the train made Xiang Cheng's heart tremble.
"Guazi, Peanuts, Mineral Water—"
Xiang Cheng turned sideways and squeezed out of the way for the cart to pass.
He was wearing dirty, worn clothes, with short sleeves which were originally distinctly unable to cover off his wrists, a pair of warrior shoes, a worn-out cross-country camouflage cap with a few holes in it that revealed his dirty hair, a denim coat and faded black trousers, one blue sock and a black one, and a threadbare sweater.
"......Call this friend when you arrive in Guangzhou."
"Thank you," Xiang Cheng replied. "Brother……" The call suddenly hung up.
Xiang Cheng opened the back of his phone as he rummaged through his bag for a piece of paper, folded it up, and put it on the back of the phone battery. He pressed his hand at the back of it and restarted again while using his middle finger as a lever to secure the battery.
"I'm sorry." Xiang Cheng said. "There's something wrong with my phone. It cuts off when I'm on call."
"It's alright." The other party magnanimously said. "Fellow-villager, hang on. I'll send you his phone number." Xiang Cheng also wanted to ask how to address the other person but the call turned to a bunch of busy tones.
"Dage, what time is it?" The girl on the side looked up from her bundle and asked sleepily.
Xiang Cheng looked at his phone and replied. "10."
The girl then lay down again to sleep.
Xiang Cheng leaned on one side as he struggled to take a crumpled cigarette out of his trousers. He turned towards the smoking area at the train junction, taking two puffs before anxiously looking back at the luggage rack to make sure that his suitcase was still there.
This chapter is migrated and/or formatted by our fellow chicken enthusiast(s), Joyce, Elestrea.