"You won't feed Gege a bite?"
technically post-canon, but very minor spoilers
Editor(s): juurensha, namio
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This summer, Xi’an seemed to have two suns, one hanging in the sky and one pressed against the ground, brilliantly casting their light across the land. The cry of the cicadas was so deafening it was as if their cries were playing in surround sound.
“Why is it so hot -!” Hongjun was already unwilling to walk any more; he just wanted to stay right where he was.
Li Jinglong, wearing sunglasses, did everything he could to coax him into heading along. “It’s even hotter if we stay on the city walls!”
It was so hot that Hongjun only wanted to sit down where he was and stick his tongue out. But if he was to plop down right now, the result would be that he would just get burnt.
“How is it this hot twelve hundred years later!” Hongjun thought of the time period that he had come from. Though there was also the cry of cicadas then, there was also wind back then, and it was cool under the shade of trees.
“Because back in our time we didn’t have the greenhouse effect,” Li Jinglong replied seriously. “The Industrial Revolution hadn’t even happened yet.”
“How come you know everything?” Hongjun wiped his sweat, following behind Li Jinglong as he was dragged down the city walls.
Li Jinglong: “Look, what’s this?”
Like he was performing a magic trick, Li Jinglong pulled out a box, and Hongjun immediately identified it.
“Ice cream!” Hongjun shouted. Since there was ice cream to eat, they stopped temporarily.
There were only good points about being born as a person from ancient times; they hadn’t eaten any of this, and everything they saw, they found very refreshing, so it was far too easy to coax Hongjun. When they had come to this era, Li Jinglong had learned from Xiang Cheng beforehand, and Hongjun wasn’t like Chi Xiaoduo, who wouldn’t eat this brand or that brand of ice cream, was unwilling to walk when he went out because he wanted to take the car, and had been spoiled rotten.
Wherever Hongjun went, he felt that it was fun, aside from amusement parks. He really couldn’t understand what was exciting about the roller coasters circling around and around, when clearly they could mount their swords and take people flying.
“After experiencing three Silence of All Magics,” Li Jinglong said, “the casual use of magic has been prohibited in the human realm, and it all falls under the control of this time period’s Exorcism Department.”
As Hongjun ate the ice cream, he asked, “Where did Xiang Cheng and the others go?”
Li Jinglong shrugged. He didn’t know either. After using the Sword of Wisdom to break through the void of time, he had taken Hongjun and floundered through several dynasties, from Tang to the Five Dynasties, then to Song, Yuan, Ming, Qing, the Republic, and as of today, had arrived in this time period that Xiang Cheng and Chi Xiaoduo lived in.
“You won’t feed Gege a bite?” Li Jinglong asked nonchalantly.
He tilted his head down slightly, Hongjun’s face reflected on his sunglasses as he slowly approached the ice cream. Right then, Hongjun smeared the ice cream all over Li Jinglong’s sunglasses.
“Hahahaha -” Hongjun began to laugh loudly.
Li Jinglong caught up to him with rapid strides. After they had come to the modern era, they had changed outfits; Li Jinglong was wearing a white shirt and black shorts, while Hongjun was wearing a loose T-shirt. Both of them looked very much like they belonged in this era. Only their hair had not yet been cut, but wandering around like this in Xi’an, they did not look out of place at all.
Their originally-planned next jump destination was another one hundred years later. They would live for a while in every century, before choosing a time period that Hongjun liked the most. In Li Jinglong’s words, it was “staying with you until the end of time”.
But the day that they leapt to this time period, Xiang Cheng had given Li Jinglong a special task - to temporarily help them with their work for a period of time, because Xiang Cheng and Chi Xiaoduo had an even more important task to take care of.
With that, the two of them used the method of breaking through the void of time that they had learned from Li Jinglong, and with a leap through time, they vanished.
With that, Li Jinglong could only grit his teeth and take on Xiang Cheng’s duty, helping him and Chi Xiaoduo supervise the movements of the yao tribes, not to mention as a person from ancient times who had just learned to use a cellphone, he also had to learn how to use his phone to call a taxi, use Alipay, and communicate through WeChat. What was most painful was that Han characters had to be input through pinyin, what in the devil was this! Li Jinglong was like an old person who had been left behind by the times, and very carefully, he detailed out every stroke of the traditional character he was writing, strenuously differentiating between that pile of weird buttons on his phone screen. If he accidentally wrote it wrong, he would have to start all over, and on top of the simplified characters that the other side sent, he would often have to decode the grammar that the other side was using.
Those that learned traditional found that reading simplified was very tedious, while those that learned simplified found that reading traditional was very simple. Sometimes, Li Jinglong really wanted to chuck his phone, this was really too unfair.
Of course, because this was all very complicated, Hongjun didn’t need to learn it.
“Ding-dong”. He had a message on Wechat.
Xuan: [4:30 in the afternoon, Shaanxi History Museum, Hall 2, the special exhibit.]
Li Jinglong: “...”
Those three Arabic numerals had Li Jinglong puzzled for a long while, and he could only grit his teeth and reply, “Got it”, before adding an emoji face.
“Why do you need to act cute?” Hongjun asked.
“I’m not acting cute,” Li Jinglong argued.
Hongjun: “These yellow faces are all used to act cute with.”
Li Jinglong once again argued back. “I really am not acting cute, this is called acting according to the customs of the land.”
Hongjun: “You are acting cute.”
Li Jinglong’s hand shot out, reaching into Hongjun’s loose T-shirt. He threatened, “In a bit, I’ll show you what’s called acting cute.”
“Ah! Let go!” Hongjun got picked up by Li Jinglong, and he kept struggling.
“Buy me that…”
“Definitely something edible…”
“Eat it in a little bit ba. Little ancestor, you’ve eaten so many things today, you’re not afraid of your stomach hurting?”
“Buy it, quickly!”
“Alright, alright, alright…”
The weather was really too hot, and upon walking into the Shaanxi History Museum, Hongjun finally let out a breath of relief.
“You can’t bring milk tea in,” the worker said.
“I’ll finish it right away,” Hongjun said, holding a large tub of pearl milk tea. “As soon as I finish, I’ll go in.”
“This cup of yours is too large!” A group of people watched as Hongjun drank a family-sized huge tub of milk tea, before they then looked towards Li Jinglong standing to one side, thinking, how are you raising this kid… this high schooler, you’re not afraid that he’ll get a stomach ache from drinking all this?
Li Jinglong said quietly, “Toss it ba and hurry up and go in, it’s almost time.”
“I won’t,” Hongjun insisted. Milk tea was a gift bestowed upon him by the heavens, how could he toss it? It was so much tastier than the sherbert of the Tang era! And there were also the pearls that he hadn’t eaten yet!
Under the stares of that group of people, Li Jinglong could only say, “Oh well, I’ll help you drink it.”
“Now that’s more like it.” The members of the crowd each pulled back their condemning gazes.
With that, at the entrance, Li Jinglong glug-glug-glugged, and chugged almost a liter of milk tea.
Li Jinglong: “...”
“Are you alright?” Hongjun asked.
Li Jinglong waved his hand. His stomach didn’t hurt, but he was afraid that in a bit, he’d vomit up the milk. He could only hope that they wouldn’t be fighting too hard then.
“You’ve come.” The representative that the Exorcism Committee had specially sent, Xuan Hezhi, waved in greeting to Li Jinglong.
Li Jinglong: “...”
Xuan Hezhi made a doubtful expression, and Hongjun said quietly, “Speak ba, he doesn’t want to say anything right now.”
“It’s like this,” Xuan Hezhi said, putting on his sunglasses. “There’s a yaoguai that has turned into a historical relic, and now it’s buried in a pile of relics. In a bit, as long as it takes its original form, everyone rush up at once and beat it up, and as long as it gets a good beating, that’ll do. There is one thing that is very important: the things here all cost a fortune, so you must not wreak havoc here. If you’ve destroyed the museum, then the Exorcism Committee will have to sell some land in compensation.”
“If we don’t destroy the museum, is it okay to destroy other things?” Hongjun asked.
“You cannot destroy anything, you must not!” Xuan Hezhi emphasized. “Even if it’s just the fire extinguisher, you can’t!”
Li Jinglong: “...”
Xuan Hezhi asked Li Jinglong, “What are your unique skills?”
“The Heart Lamp,” Hongjun explained, “and also the divine power of Acala.”
“You must not blind the visitors,” Xuan Hezhi said. “If we get charged with breaking something that turned out to be already broken, we must emphasize the importance of the costs of subduing yao.”
Li Jinglong: “...”
“How about you?” Xuan Hezhi asked Hongjun.
Hongjun and Xuan Hezhi stared at each other.
Li Jinglong made a gesture, meaning that in a bit, Hongjun must never, never attack.
“This isn’t important,” Hongjun said to Xuan Hezhi. “Zhangshi won’t give me an opportunity to act.”
Xuan Hezhi said, “If he can’t do it, you can also attack. As long as you don’t destroy the entire museum, that’s fine.”
Li Jinglong finally gathered himself, and he said, “Hongjun, if you use the Immortal-Slaying Throwing Knives, the two of us will no longer be able to stay in this time period, and you won’t be able to eat any more ice cream.”
“I got it,” Hongjun immediately replied obediently.
Because it was summer vacation, there were many visitors in the Shaanxi History Museum, and all of them lined up to look at the exhibits. Many of them, when they saw Xuan Hezhi and Li Jinglong, began to whisper amongst themselves.
“Do they all think we look strange?” Xuan Hezhi asked, confused. “How could they tell?”
“Because only the two of us would wear sunglasses in a place like this,” Li Jinglong replied, his face expressionless.
The visitors watched Li Jinglong, half because he was wearing sunglasses, and half because he appeared very cool. Of course, one part of the reason was because he was wearing sunglasses in a museum, so he looked cool. And after covering up his eyes, his face and hairstyle looked particularly archaic, but of course, he blocked the view of Hongjun behind him, otherwise Hongjun would also be stared at.
“Which one is it?” Li Jinglong asked.
Xuan Hezhi shook his head, lost.
The three of them lined up and entered the He family’s village’s special exhibition. Xuan Hezhi immediately reminded them, “This exhibit is the most expensive! No matter what, you must not, must not…”
“Got it --” Hongjun said.
Li Jinglong: “It doesn’t look very expensive either. I thought it’d be at least the kind with a volume of Taibai-xiong’s personally penned poetry…”
“Isn’t this our family’s soy sauce dish???” Hongjun asked. “How little does this cost?”
“Shh,” Xuan Hezhi immediately said.
“Wait a sec.” Li Jinglong suddenly stopped in his tracks, standing in front of a jade dragon jue .
Xuan Hezhi: “???”
Li Jinglong: “It’s this one?”
Hongjun: “It’s very obvious. How could there have been this style of jade in the Tianbao era?”
Xuan Hezhi: “How could you guys tell? Wait, you must not, must not...”
Li Jinglong & Hongjun: “Must not wreck our family’s soy sauce dish -- we get it!”
Li Jinglong pressed his hand gently on the glass of the exhibit.
There was a bright flash of light.
All of the visitors shouted at the same time, and Xuan Hezhi roared angrily, “I’ve gone blind!”
In that instant, the jade jue exploded with yao qi, turning into a snake yao that was coiling in the air. It revealed its hideous mouth and face, suddenly smashing through the exhibit. The glass of the exhibit was instantly shattered into tiny pieces, and it collapsed.
“AAAAHHH--” When Xuan Hezhi recovered his vision, the first thing he saw was that snake yao not only smashing through the exhibit, but also toppling several others. The entirety of the Shaanxi History Museum began to ring with alarms, and the visitors all began to shout and scream.
Li jinglong and Hongjun raised their hands at the same time, meaning, it wasn’t us who destroyed it, take note, it was the yaoguai who did it.
The snake yao smashed through the skylight, making its escape. Li Jinglong shouted, “Rise - ”
In Hall No. 3, a Qin-era bronze sword came flying, and Li Jinglong stepped fluidly onto it, rising into the air, pursuing that snake yao.
“Wow -- he’s risen into the sky --” Someone noticed Li Jinglong.
The visitors immediately pulled out their phones and began to record.
“Damn, where’s the Lihun Pollen?” Xuan Hezhi immediately said. “Where’s the hourglass?!”
All of the people in the special exhibit had lifted their heads, watching Li Jinglong fly away. Xuan Hezhi said to Hongjun, “You go quickly!”
“Didn’t you tell me not to attack?” Hongjun asked.
Xuan Hezhi tossed a small, intricate hourglass into the air, and time seemed to freeze. Right after, he immediately, starting from the visitor closest to him, began to poke at their phones, deleting the videos.
The visitors each opened their mouths, watching the sky. Xuan Hezhi picked up their phones, and he even had to use their faces to unlock it.
“Do you need help?” Hongjun asked.
Xuan Hezhi waved his hand, flicking a little Lihun Pollen in front of each person. Ten minutes later, he finally deleted all of the videos, and he pulled the hourglass back. The interior of the exhibit hall immediately echoed with hundreds of people sneezing at once, and the sounds echoed in the hall.
Xuan Hezhi: “Phew…”
“Hongjun!” Li Jinglong flew back, shouting from the skylight, “You aren’t coming? In a bit, he’s going to spread the Lihun Pollen.”
Xuan Hezhi’s heart thunked, and all of the people once again raised their heads.
Hongjun: “He’s already spread it! It’s too hot outside, you go ba.”
“Come ba!” Li Jinglong shouted to Hongjun from his position on a sword hovering in the air. “It’s very breezy once we start flying!”
“Alright.” Even if Hongjun were to stay, he would only be watching his own family’s soy sauce dish in boredom, so he flew up.
“Wow --!” came the simultaneous exclamation, loud enough to shake the earth.
“Someone’s rising into the sky again!” someone shouted.
“Huh, why are you saying ‘again’?”
Xuan Hezhi: “...”
A black shadow flashed out of the Shaanxi History Museum in the midst of the summer heat. With the sound of things shattering, it smashed through a window of a hotel somewhere southeast, several kilometers away. Right behind it, Li Jinglong, carrying Hongjun on the sword, caught up.
“If we fight here, we won’t need to pay for what we break, right?” Hongjun asked.
“Do your best not to,” Li Jinglong said. “That friend will be very hurt.”
“Wow, what is this place!” Hongjun said. “The bed, the ceiling, there’s even a mirror… the bed is also very pretty…”
“A love hotel!” Li Jinglong said. “Stop stirring up trouble… Let’s go, quickly.”
“Let me take a look, what’s this? Can I drink this?” Hongjun reached out to take a drink on the table.
“Let’s get rid of the yao first, and afterwards we can come back, and I’ll play with you,” Li Jinglong said.
“It’s running too fast!” Hongjun chased after that snake yao, which shot straight like an arrow through the hallway. Clearly, its cultivation was not high.
“You think of something.” This was also the first time Li Jinglong had entered such a tall building. “Don’t use the glaive, I’ll go to the level below to get it.”
The cleaning staff member in the hallway saw Li Jinglong and Hongjun rush out from one of the rooms, and they stopped in their tracks.
“What is this?” Hongjun asked. “Can it be used as a rake?”
The cleaner: “???”
Hongjun gestured at the thing in the cleaner’s hands.
“This is a vacuum, kid!” the cleaner said.
“Lend it to me for a sec.”
Carrying the vacuum over his shoulder and the dustbin in his hand, Hongjun went racing after it.
That little snake was already flying too fast, and Li Jinglong almost caught it a few times, but he barely missed every time. With a sliding step, Li Jinglong rushed to the end of the hallway. The little snake once again dashed into a room, but Li Jinglong leapt into the air, and his hand was only a little bit away from its tail!
“Zhangshi! Make way!” Hongjun lifted the vacuum, plugging it in like how the cleaner had, and he turned it up to the highest level, shouting, “Winds of the four directions, heed my orders!”
With a huge boom, a windstorm sprang into existence in the room. Hongjun’s magic instantly amplified the power of the vacuum by a thousand-fold, and the wild wind gusted strongly. Li Jinglong backed away to one side, and with a flip he landed behind Hongjun.
Instantly, the tornado roared into existence, and just as that snake leapt out of the window, it was sucked back in. With a shua, it was sucked into the vacuum, and right after, a bed flew towards them, blocking the inlet of the vacuum with a peng. The world fell silent.
Li Jinglong pasted a talisman to the dustbin and it glowed with light, the snake yao inside calming down.
After Xuan Hezhi had stopped time for a second time, deleted the videos, and spread the Lihun Pollen, he finally finished cleaning up. Thankfully, it was already night, otherwise he would have had to disperse it on the entire way here.
“Huff, huff.” Xuan Hezhi took the bin, some lingering fear in his heart as he nodded. “Thanks.”
“No need,” Li Jinglong said. He had one hand wrapped around Hongjun’s shoulders, and as he hugged him, he turned and walked back.
“Remember to report to the Exorcism Academy once the school year starts,” Xuan Hezhi reminded Li Jinglong.
Li Jinglong didn’t even turn his head back. He lifted his hand and saluted goodbye with two fingers. “Understood, but isn’t summer vacation not yet over?”
“Now where are we going?” Hongjun asked.
Li Jinglong brought him to the front desk of the hotel, and he casually slapped down the two identification cards that the Exorcism Committee had provided.
“I want to open a couples suite,” Li Jinglong said earnestly.
moon: FEED GEGE A BITE
This chapter is migrated and/or formatted by our fellow chicken enthusiast(s), moon.