Scroll One: The Hong Descends to the Earth
(cw: the typical callousness of a transmigrator, attempted suicide)
The wheel of fate ground past the doors of a bar, sending A-Can directly up to the Western Paradise.
In the darkness a stranger’s voice resounded: “What do you want to be in your next life?”
A-Cai shouted loudly, “I want to be someone whose beauty destroys cities and empires…”
Before he had finished speaking, a legendary beam of white light flashed by, and A-Can transmigrated.
His first transmigration: when he opened his eyes he was inside a tent draped with brocade and gauze, and he suddenly felt that his chest grew cumbersome; when he turned to look into the bronze mirror, all he saw was a graceful woman with pretty and elegant features, whose figure was full and well-developed, and he let out a shrill cry, “No way! I transmigrated into a woman’s body!”
Then he thought that, well, if he was a woman, then so be it; at least it would be peaceful, but when he called for the maids, after calling several times, there was no response.
A long while later, an eunuch hurriedly rushed in, shouting with a horrified voice, “Niang niang! The guards have mutinied! Yang-guojiu has been killed!”
“I’m changing my wish! I want to be the man closest to the emperor!”
His next transmigration: when he opened his eyes he was kneeling under the splendour of the Nine Dragon Golden Hall, his two legs splayed out to the sides. His head rang incessantly, as if it had been hit by a heavy object, and his heart jolted as he reached out a hand to feel at the front of his crotch. Thankfully, it was still there, but when he looked towards the people gathered in the golden hall, they looked back at him with horror in their eyes, and he was puzzled for a moment.
Then he heard a person shout, “King, move the sword to your back! Draw your sword from your back!”
“Change… I change my wish! I want to be a handsome young emperor!”
He continued to transmigrate: when he opened his eyes, he was inside the inner palace, still with his thing, and he was wearing a set of fluttery silks and whispery satins, while next to him there was a peerless beauty keeping him company; even if he wasn’t a royal scion, he was still of noble lineage, and he was very satisfied with this. He smiled and said, “Enough, laozi likes men, you can go rest, call over a decently handsome guard to serve me.” That beauty left.
When he lowered his head he saw that the table was covered with white scraps of paper like snow, and he amusedly lifted his brush, dipped it in the ink, and as he scribbled on that paper he said, “The flowers blossom every spring and the moon brightens every autumn, when will this endless passage of time finally come to an end?” He then raised his head as he muttered poems to the bright moon hanging in front of the palace, and what a noble aura he exuded!
After a long while a handsome guard hadn’t come, but an eunuch came instead carrying a jade basin in his hands, and with his shrill voice he said, “The emperor presents wine to Prime Minister Long--!”
“I want to be a crown prince who looks pretty or a prince who won’t die young and the emperor, my dad, only has me as his sole heir… wa ah! Let me finish speaking before I transmigrate!”
He continued to transmigrate: when he opened his eyes and reached his hand out to feel, he still had it. With his heart in his throat, he turned to look at his surroundings; he was in the inner palace, and his surroundings were completely silent, with no one in sight.
Finally he calmed down. He lifted his small palm and stared past it at the light outside the window. En, he was indeed a handsome youth, and looking into the bronze mirror, he was also a pampered prince; his lips were red and his teeth were white, and he was really a shuaige. The brocade hangings were scented with fragrant sandalwood, and the green leaves of the plantain trees cast their green shadows over his window. The interior of the room was decorated lavishly, and it was really quite nice; the only drawback was that this body of his was a little weak.
A-Can turned and climbed off the bed, before sticking his head out to call for a guard so that he could figure out his own identity and the time period he was in.
When he finished asking, the corner of his mouth trembled as he turned around immediately and re-entered his room. He searched everywhere for a long thin strip, but seeing that there were no cables around, he decided that the bedsheets would do in a pinch. He gathered them up, rolled them into a rope, and tossed one end of it up above his head, passing it through the beam up above before tying a knot. Then he climbed onto the chair, stuck his head through the loop, and kicked off with his legs. As he did so, he heard the guard outside shout shrilly, “The little zhugong has hung himself --!”
I’ll keep transmigrating! I don’t believe that I won’t eventually transmigrate into a good one! A-Can thought in his heart right before he died.
But after a while he opened his eyes again, wheezing as he took a few breaths. A large hand was rubbing back and forth on the center of his back.
“How come I didn’t die?”
“Bastard!” That large hand slapped him heavily across the cheek, which set his head ringing. After his head finally cleared from the dizziness, he looked again at that man, who was wearing a set of bright silver armor with a white dragon helm on his head. The red pearl on his helm was as bright as blood, and his sword brows framed a pair of star-bright eyes. His features were noble and handsome, but his extraordinarily attractive face was covered with dust.
This guard had clearly hurried over quickly, even his helm wasn’t fastened on properly.
A-Can didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry. “That uh… dage, let’s discuss this… I wasn’t…”
The guard was angered beyond belief, and the space between his brows grew dark with rage as he said resentfully, “Even if you don’t respect that in the past shifu saved you from the clutches of hundreds of thousands of Cao troops, you should still respect the mother who died early to save your life!”
“How could you commit to such an ignorant, thoughtless act; just a few sentences of admonishment and you seek to prematurely end your life!”
“... Shifu, you’re my shifu? Hear me out…”
Before the pretend little lord could finish, that silver armored guard seemed to hear something, and he hurried to hide A-Can behind himself, as the door to the room opened with a peng. “...”
A-Can stared dumbly at this large group of people that had appeared suddenly out of nowhere.
In that instant there were countless martial officials and dignitaries who swarmed in like a school of fish, and while he stared at them with his mouth open, all of them shot contemptuous gares back at A-Can, as if he was a pile of stinking mud in the corner of a wall, completely beneath them.
“What a useless son!”
A middle aged man, his two arms hanging down to his knees, with a fat, white face that was currently flushed bright red, took a step forward and wheezed thrice before several servants supported him into the room.
In the room, multiple people hurried up to give their greetings, and the silver armored guard on the bed tossed out all thoughts of the “little lord” who had just tried to commit suicide and failed as he hurried to take a knee on the ground in front of that fat white-face. He said in a deep voice, “Zhugong!”
The middle-aged fatty… man panted, “Zilong! If you keep spoiling him like this, in the future my hard-won Han inheritance will be lost at the hands of this little bastard! Heavens!! If I had known earlier then I would have dropped him and let him die!” Before he finished his sentence, there was a trace of hysteria in his tone as if he was going to cry his eyes out.
A-Can’s very soul was shocked to the core, and as he watched the crowd gather around to comfort that large-eared fatty, he was entirely speechless.
This time even if he wanted to die he wouldn’t be able to, and A-Can trembled in his heart and soul as he remembered, the historical A-Dou was not the same as Yang-guifei, Jing Ke, Li Yu, and the other poor bastards… he definitely wouldn’t die at this point in time.
He heard that when he was small, this cheap dad in front of him had dropped him once and now that he was ten and some years, even if he delivered himself up to let his dad drop him, his dad wouldn’t be able to do it again.
What! Was he actually going to be Liu Shan for his entire life?!
Alright, Liu Shan it was then, if anything he had nothing else to lose. He wasn’t afraid of anything.
This chapter is migrated and/or formatted by our fellow chicken enthusiast(s), moon.