Chapter 22 - Certification Exam

Post Training Notice: National First-Class Registered Exorcist

National First Class Registered Exor...

Translator(s): juurensha
TLC(s): moon
Editor(s): Jane, jelly

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"Are you afraid I'll make you smell Lihun Pollen?" Xiang Cheng asked.


"En." Chi Xiaoduo replied.


Xiang Cheng said, "I just wanted to come in to see you."


Chi Xiaoduo moved over in his bed to make room. Xiang Cheng unzipped his sports jacket and slept on the bed, almost completely naked. Chi Xiaoduo felt very satisfied and comfortable rubbing his arm against Xiang Cheng's body.


"You're so cold." Chi Xiaoduo said.


"Just took a cold bath." Xiang Cheng replied, turning off the light at the same time and grasping Chi Xiaoduo's shoulder. "What are you looking at?"


"Weibo." Chi Xiaoduo could already feel Xiang Cheng’s guilt. "Tell the truth."


Xiang Cheng's worries were written all over his face. Chi Xiaoduo asked, "Qiqi came today, did he give you a message?"


Xiang Cheng let out a long sigh in the dark.


The floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room opened silently.


Si Gui, nestled in the pillow, quickly raised its head to glance over, then spread out its wings and flew over. It landed on the coffee table and faced  the mesmerizing summer night beyond the window. 


The wind blew in slightly. 


Qi Wei stood in the little neighborhood, raising his hand up slightly towards the balcony diagonally above him. The rotating motes of light in his hand turned into a galaxy, which flew towards Chi Xiaoduo and Xiang Cheng’s home.


"In fact, you don't have to explain all this."


Chi Xiaoduo's voice came from the room.


“How can I not explain?”


Xiang Cheng's voice spread to the living room. Si Gui landed on the coffee table, turned its head, and groomed the feathers on its wings.


Chi Xiaoduo's voice:


"As long as you let me smell the Lihun Pollen when I’m asleep, I would forget everything, right?"


"Yes, but I don't want to. Chi Xiaoduo, I don't want..."


"If I forget all this, will you stay with me?"


"I like Guangzhou, I want to stay here."


"That's good. Where's the bottle? Come on, give it to me. As long as you don't go, it’s fine."




"Give it to me ma."


"Don't fuss, I'm not wearing anything. Does it look like I have the pollen? I just wanted to tell you that I also don't want you to lose our memories together, Chi Xiaoduo... "


"I suddenly remembered; before I smell the pollen, I have a little something to do. Please promise me."






Si Gui spread his wings slightly, and the pollen swirled outside the window, unable to get into their home. 


A moment later, there was the sound of a door opening, and Chi Xiaoduo ran out barefoot, saying "Where's the pollen? Where’s the pollen?"


"You... Chi Xiaoduo! Wait! " Xiang Cheng chased after him and saw the light outside the window. The first thing he did was close the window and angrily say to the person below, "Scram!"


Chi Xiaoduo sneezed clearly on the sofa behind Xiang Cheng.


Qi Wei heard it, collected the powder, and left.


Chi Xiaoduo looked at a loss, and obviously he now had a memory lapse. Xiang Cheng hurried back and snatched back the snuff bottle with one hand.


"Ah..." Chi Xiaoduo looked at the snuff bottle, then at Xiang Cheng.


Xiang Cheng: "..."


Chi Xiaoduo: ".....”


"Sorry." Chi Xiaoduo said, "But... Strange, what was I doing? Are you first going to... "


Chi Xiaoduo’s whole face turned red. Xiang Cheng closed up the snuff bottle and remained silent.


"What just happened?" Chi Xiaoduo asked.


Xiang Cheng replied, "Nothing."


Chi Xiaoduo: “???”


Chi Xiaoduo's memory was in complete disarray. He saw Xiang Cheng gathering up things and throwing away the cigarette butts in the ashtray.


"Why did you smoke so much?" Chi Xiaoduo asked.


Xiang Cheng took a deep breath and didn't answer. He put on his clothes and pants and sat on the sofa. For a moment, he was a little at a loss about what to do.


"What's the matter with you?" Chi Xiaoduo said blankly. "Are you in a bad mood?"


"Don't talk." Xiang Cheng raised his hand, but his eyes looked elsewhere, not meeting Chi Xiaoduo’s gaze.


Chi Xiaoduo sat down beside him.


"Don't turn on the TV either." Xiang Cheng said, "I want quiet."


"Who is Quiet?" Chi Xiaoduo asked.


Xiang Cheng: “....”


Chi Xiaoduo scratched his head as he got up confusedly  and went into the kitchen. He then stuck his head out a moment later and asked, "Do you want to eat something?"




Xiang Cheng sat in the living room, smoking.


"Strange, why am I hungry again." Chi Xiaoduo said to himself. He took out some bread from the refrigerator, heated up some milk to drink it with, went to get his cellphone, yawned, and suddenly remembered.


He had just bought the cellphones today! But Xiang Cheng didn’t seem happy? Chi Xiaoduo didn't dare to say anything; he thought, was Xiang Cheng’s self-esteem hurt by him buying him a cellphone?


Crap, his move had been counterproductive. Chi Xiaoduo didn’t dare say anything and cautiously said, "I’m going to bed."


Xiang Cheng raised his eyes, looked at Chi Xiaoduo, and said nothing.


Chi Xiaoduo fell on the bed and rolled around, the mola fish in his heart hovering between life and death. 


"Wuwuwuwu, what to do?" Chi Xiaoduo said, “He doesn’t seem to like being kept by me at all ah! It can’t be that this is a straight man's self-esteem? "


Chi Xiaoduo lay face down and even wanted to die. He sobbed and sobbed, then looked up.


"Something is off? Why is it dark? " Chi Xiaoduo turned over his cellphone. It was already eleven o'clock.


Did they go out to play this afternoon?! Chi Xiaoduo was already a complete mess. Forget it, forget it, don’t worry about it now, sleep first. He kept feeling like something wasn’t right, but all this offness had already been howled away by Xiang Cheng's face turned forty-five degrees up in sadness, leaving no trace behind.


Chi Xiaoduo heard the sound of a door opening. It was Xiang Cheng coming in. Chi Xioaudo lay motionless and  pretended to be asleep.


Xiang Cheng covered him with a quilt, closed the door, and left. Chi Xiaoduo immediately jumped up and stuck himself against the door to eavesdrop on the sounds outside. He heard Xiang Cheng seem to sigh.


Chi Xiaoduo thought don’t be like this ma. You just handed me a card with 400,000 on it, so if we really have to, I’ll just deduct it off your card, and it’ll be fine la. We’ll count it as you buying it for me, what’s wrong with that ne. Chi Xiaoduo was also sometimes afraid of not being on equal footing; he always hoped to give more to others, otherwise he would be both insecure and embarrassed.


It was very rare to be able to accept others' kindness to yourself. Chi Xiaoduo thought that he would have to pay attention in the future to the way he paid for things as he somehow drifted off to sleep.


The next morning, he was woken up by Xiang Cheng knocking on the door. 


"Time to go to work." Xiang Cheng said outside the door.


"Eh?" Chi Xiaoduo's head was foggy. Wasn’t it Sunday? It was already Tuesday! What was going on?!


Chi Xiaoduo got up in a hurry and thought crap. After running out, he suddenly remembered that he was already certified! Even if he was late, the boss certainly didn't dare to get angry with him, so he slowly brushed his teeth, washed his face, and sat down for breakfast.


"Not afraid of being late?" Xiang Cheng asked.


"It’s fine." Chi Xiaoduo casually drank porridge. 


Xiang Cheng asked, "Did you sleep well last night?"


Both of them seemed a little embarrassed. Chi Xiaoduo said, "I had a dream that you were chasing me with a snuff bottle, and I was running in the front and shouting ‘chase me ah, chase me ah’ the entire time.”


Xiang Cheng: “......”


Chi Xiaoduo laughed and said, "I also don't know why I had such a strange dream."


"I washed your pants while I was washing other things." Xiang Cheng replied.


Chi Xiaoduo let out an “en.” After eating breakfast, Chi Xiaoduo put his hands under the table and observed Xiang Cheng's every single move to make sure whether or not he was angry. But everything was as usual, and Chi Xiaoduo said, "The food you cook is so delicious. If you leave me one day, then I will definitely die."


"Then don't leave me." Xiang Cheng put away the bowl and said casually.


Chi Xiaoduo was delighted and said, "By the way, I kind of want to...resign. I don't really want to go to work, I want to stay at home. "


Xiang Cheng: “.......”


"En, after you resign, what do you want to do?"


"Haven’t decided yet, but are you going to go look for a job?" Chi Xiaoduo said, "Why don’t we open a restaurant instead ba.”


"I don’t have a feel for making food for people I don’t know. It won’t taste good; I can only make delicious dishes for people I want to take care of. "


Xiang Cheng used the same answer he had said yesterday again.


Chi Xiaoduo's heart pounded, dongdong, and his face turned red. Xiang Cheng dried his hands, took the bicycle key, and sent him off to work.


When entering the building, all his colleagues behaved a little strangely.


"Good morning ah, Xiaoduo."


"Good morning." Chi Xiaoduo sat blankly at his desk. He wasn’t in a good mood because of the matter with Xiang Cheng’s cellphone yesterday. A moment later, he got up with a cup and went to get some coffee. When he passed by his apprentice's desk, his apprentice rushed up and screamed piteously, "Shifu——"


Chi Xiaoduo expressionlessly dragged his apprentice, who was holding onto his thigh, for five meters as he went  to the coffee machine, and said, "Shifu has passed the exam la. You can follow me and eat well now."


"Shifu, are you leaving?" his apprentice asked, "Where is Shifu going? Take me to play and take me away ah."


"Who told you that?" Chi Xiaoduo filled his coffee mug and dragged his apprentice back. 


His apprentice bumped his head against the filing cabinet and said, "They said."


"Who’s making rumors that I’m going to resign ah!" Chi Xiaoduo thought that it really was time to resign. He just didn’t want to work anymore, it was too tiring, and he said that lazily at the same time. 


Everyone in the office looked at Chi Xiaoduo with strange expressions.


"Xiaoduo." His boss opened the door of the office and said, "Come here."


His boss sent a WeChat message scolding the construction team while greeting Chi Xiaoduo. They went into the director’s office, and Chi Xiaoduo thought that there must be something wrong with the project. Unexpectedly, the director sat down and asked, "Chi Xiaoduo, are you planning on resigning?"


"Ah?" Chi Xiaoduo looked confused and said, "No ah, did I say something?"


"You said it yourself yesterday." His boss said suspiciously, "What exactly is going on."


Chi Xiaoduo immediately reacted and quickly borrowed this downhill slope to lead his donkey down. “Ah, it seems that…”


"It's best if you don’t resign!" His boss also reacted in an instant and said, "It’s fine! Director, we’re heading back now! "


"No, no! I remember now! " Chi Xiaoduo said decisively, but in fact, he didn't remember anything.


"No, no, I was the one who mistook you for someone else."


"I quit! I quit! "


"You two go out to discuss an exact answer before you speak any further, and Li Wei, why have you been hugging Xiaoduo’s feet this entire time..."


"No need to discuss anything!" Chi Xiaoduo said in an earth-shattering fashion. "I resign! Thank you, Director. Thank you Boss for your care throughout my time here, I’m going now... "


Chi Xiaoduo finished resigning at the fastest speed possible, but he still had to have a handover period of a month. They said it was a month, but in fact, it could be done in a week, and he didn't have to come every day. Before noon, Chi Xiaoduo said goodbye to everyone again, was elated once again, and was once again acting like a husky who had gotten out of his collar. He rushed out of the office with a happy face while holding his second box, off to welcome his new life.


While waiting for the elevator, Chi Xiaoduo received a call from his best friend.


"Chi Xiaoduo, Coach said that the class would start in the afternoon. It’s going to be round-robin classes, and you can learn whatever you want when you arrive." His bestie had only gotten up at noon and said in a bored tone, "My cousin found it."


"Ah?" Chi Xiaoduo was puzzled and asked, "Found what?"


"Judo ah." His bestie said.


"Judo? Is Judo a person? " Chi Xiaoduo didn't know what was going on; he just felt that things were very strange today. He asked again, "What's the matter with Judo la?"


"Chi——Xiao——Duo!" His bestie roared into the phone, "Don’t play stupid with me! If you stand me up again! Laoniang will eat you! "




Chi Xiaoduo walked out of the elevator and stood at the door of the design institute. He suddenly felt so happy that he was a little dizzy.


"I resigned!" Chi Xiaoduo said on the phone.


"En." Xiang Cheng's voice was the same as before. Hearing his voice, Chi Xiaoduo felt a sense of security.


"I'm going to go learn judo with my friend in the afternoon." Chi Xiaoduo said, "No need to come pick me up."


Judo?" Xiang Cheng asked, "In order to deal with me?"


"I don't know..." Chi Xiaoduo carried his box under one hand, walked down the steps, smiled as bright as the sun, and said, "She asked me to accompany her to learn. Qiqi registered us, and we’re going there in the afternoon. Let me check...there's still half an hour left. You don't have to pick me up in the evening, I'll go back by myself."


Xiang Cheng smiled in front of him and said, "I haven't left this whole time; I'm waiting downstairs ne."


Chi Xiaoduo: ".....”


Xiang Cheng didn't ask Chi Xiaoduo why he had resigned. They found a place to eat lunch, and Chi Xiaoduo found that Xiang Cheng was very quiet——not the kind of quiet that meant he wasn’t talking, but the kind of quiet that meant he was very comfortable when he was with him, as if Xiang Cheng could connect with him tacitly no matter what he wanted to do.


Xiang Cheng held an issue of Story Club, and Chi Xiaoduo held V.S. Naipaul's The Mystic Masseur. They sat in Starbucks and read while bathing in the bright early summer sun. Xiang Cheng was tall and had long legs, so he was always a little cramped when sitting on the sofa. After a while, Chi Xiaoduo let him take off his sneakers and rest his feet on his thighs. 


AHHHHHHH——this was really a beautiful love ah! Chi Xiaoduo very much wanted to confess to Xiang Cheng, but if Xiang Cheng only saw him as a friend, then he would only humiliate himself with a confession.


As soon as the window paper was pierced, there would be nothing left.


How do you bend a straight man? Chi Xiaoduo tried hard to recall how he had bent the straight boys around him in the past? It seemed that he hadn’t put in any effort; his straight male classmates had just naturally bent.


Take Wang Ren for example ba. Chi Xiaoduo remembered that Wang Ren seemed to have gotten bent unconsciously and even after he had gotten bent, he  insisted that they were pure brothers until their graduation dinner. Wang Ren had sobbed while drunk, clinging onto Chi Xiaoduo and not letting go. Chi Xiaoduo still hadn’t figured it out until in the middle of the night, when Wang Ren had even wanted to take off his pants in their dorm room. 


There was also another boy in the Chinese department who studied by himself in the classroom that Chi Xiaoduo often went to every day. Gradually, they got to know each other, and Chi Xiaoduo often brought him breakfast. Later, they ate together every day. The Chinese department boy pursued a meimei in the same department, but he didn’t manage to get together with her. Chi Xiaoduo had even  accompanied him to light a candle for that girl...light a candle for a candlelight confession, and when the Chinese department boy asked the girl out, Chi Xiaoduo had followed him, carrying a cake and umbrella as his attendant. The Chinese department boy was rejected, and Chi Xiaoduo had felt bad for him and kept him company. Finally, when the Chinese department boy grew to like him, Chi Xiaoduo thought he was too weak and ran away.


Later, he heard that this tall, skinny, bespectacled, refined boy actually was well-endowed and was a beast in the sheets. Chi Xiaoduo regretted it when he thought of it.


There was also a senior who studied architectural design and had a more sporty style in their college. Chi Xiaoduo, in the spirit of everyone in the same college sharing in the same joys and sorrows, crazily supported him in every ball game and brought him clothes and water. When it rained heavily, he even went to comfort him when he had lost a game... Finally, that senior had been bent. 


Right! According to this process, Chi Xiaoduo summed up the way to bend a straight man——be good to him. The straight man will feel moved, and maybe he will be bent. He must lavish every care upon and be life-givingly considerate of him!


Xiang Cheng: “What are you thinking about?”


“Nothing,” Chi Xiaoduo had stared at Xiang Cheng for a very long time. Now, he looked away and said, “Thinking of the book’s plot.” His internal OS: thinking about how to bend you. 


His phone was ringing nonstop from his bestie’s call. Xiang Cheng took his feet off Chi Xiaoduo and looked out of the floor-to-ceiling window. A BMW had stopped by the side of the road, and it was the one that Xiang Cheng had driven before. The window rolled down, revealing Qi Wei's face. Qi Wei, wearing sunglasses, whistled at them.


"Disturbing your guys’ love!" Qi Wei said teasingly, "Borrowing your family’s little mola fish for a while."


Chi Xiaoduo blushed and roared, "Let's go quickly ba!"


"I'll send him back in the evening." Qi Wei said to Xiang Cheng.


"What would you like to eat tonight?" Xiang Cheng asked Chi Xiaoduo.


"What...whatever." Chi Xiaoduo said, "I'll go first."


When the BMW drove away, Xiang Cheng got on the bike, put on his headphones and rode home while listening to music.


"How did you sleep last night?" Qi Wei looked at Chi Xiaoduo in the rearview mirror.


"Qiqi ." Chi Xiaoduo said, "Doesn't this topic make us seem too familiar with each other?"


Qi Wei started laughing. Chi Xiaoduo’s best friend was sitting in the back seat and was a bit nervous because they were going to go learn judo. She asked, "That was the duck you like? He has a good temperament ah, he doesn’t look like one. "


Chi Xiaoduo covered his forehead and said, "Can you not call him that? He doesn't do shady stuff."


Qi Wei said, "Xiang Cheng is a warm man who has been hurt before oh."


"You also know him?" Chi Xiaoduo’s best friend asked, "How do you two know each other?"


Qi Wei replied, "I met him when I went to have fun at Fengdu Ghost City. He conducted group tours as a tour guide part-time to earn a living. I also temporarily became a tour guide for several months."


"So it’s like that--" His bestie exchanged a wink with Chi Xiaoduo, but Chi Xiaoduo still thought it was a bit strange and asked, "Why were you a tour guide?"


"For fun." Qi Wei whistled again playfully, "The value of life lies first in experience and second in creation, right?"


Chi Xiaoduo thought, what value of life, you just have money to burn. 


Qi Wei sent them to the judo hall. Chi Xiaoduo began to get a little nervous, but the class Qi Wei had registered them in was obviously the fanciest, tall, handsome, and rich meal deal + short-term crash course.


Chi Xiaoduo didn't get the treatment of being pushed around like punching bags by his martial brothers as soon as he came in. Instead, an instructor taught the two of them and an assistant was given to the two of them as a punching bag. 


The instructor taught them some basic skills before letting Chi Xiaoduo and his bestie go practice by themselves, while he went to the side to drink some kung fu tea


Chi Xiaoduo and his bestie started gossipping while jumping around and playing boring games like come on, come on, you kick me. From when they had met at the age of five to their late twenties, as long as they met, their mouths would never stop; besides when they were eating, they would always be talking. 


"Mola fish." His best friend said, "How's your relationship with Duck Ge going?"


"Bighead carp, don't call him a duck ah." It wasn’t that Chi Xiaoduo didn’t want to use his bestie’s name; he had been using her nickname ever since they were children, and over time, he had even forgotten her name.


"Cut the crap." His bestie said, "Let my Ge introduce you to someone ba. In his tall, handsome, and rich WeChat group, there’s a lot of guys who like to play with little 0’s. You're so fun, so let someone play around with you a bit ba."


"Stop talking. Xiang Cheng is a straight man." Chi Xiaoduo blocked his bestie from kicking him and asked, "Do you think I have a good chance of bending him?"


"He’s a duck." His bestie said impatiently, "What ‘straight man’ ah, don’t they understand these kinds of things? Laoniang is telling you, they know it all very well!"


"Did you come here looking for a partner or to act like a tough woman ah?" Chi Xiaoduo said patiently, "How many times have I said it! You need to change ‘Laoniang’ to ‘this person’! This person!"


"This person is telling you," His best friend said solemnly, "Xiang Cheng must know you like him, but he just leaves you hanging there because you are willing to give him money! Buy him stuff! Lao...this person advises you that this situation won’t work out. You'd better find a reliable one instead. "


Chi Xiaoduo completely ignored his best friend's painstaking efforts and said, "What should I do if I want a straight man to fall in love with me?"


“Hey, Lao...this person is talking to you, so listen closely.” His bestie said, “Why do men love women? You have to pretend that you’re useless at everything, put on a cutesy-cutesy look, always wait to be cared for and fed, and cry piteously while acting cute. When you’re not acting cute, you’re preparing to act cute; this way, he’ll think that you can’t leave him.


“People who make a living by acting cute can arouse in men a desire to protect them; they’ll want to take care of and protect you. Normally, you have to be warm but not too fierce, and you can’t just randomly run  around crying and screaming when everything is fine. You also can’t act like you know everything; you have to take the proper measures, and occasionally let him feel your dependence on him. Make him feel needed, that he is very important, and that this world cannot do without him.


“Never try to manage every matter of his; you have to worship him, cater to his preferences, grasp the key points and timing, and sincerely praise him. Besides all that, you still have to be like, ‘from the North comes a ravishing beauty, whose beauty stands alone and independent.’ You at least have to have a little money, so that when he annoys you, you realize it and hide somewhere else to be a quiet white lotus. When he needs you, you have to be like a little bird and fly to his side...You have to trust him and try not to get to the bottom of his feelings and past. You have to bring in a house as a dowry, and write his name on the registry of your own accord. If he has siblings, you can’t complain at all about how he supports his family. You must show filial piety to his old mother, get closer to his younger brother, give him face in front of outsiders….”


“Why is it that I feel like there is such deep resentment while listening to this,” Chi Xiaoduo paused in his movements and said, “Did your blind date last week go well?”


Bestie: “Of course not, understand?”


“The main point is to let him take care of me,” Chi Xiaoduo said, “Wail piteously while acting cute, understood.”


“Use the instructor for practice ba.” His bestie motioned for Chi Xiaoduo to lure over the judo instructor and said, "Inspire in him the male desire to protect the weak, go ba."


Chi Xiaoduo: ".......”


Chi Xiaoduo devised a plan to act cute as he shuffled over in front of the instructor and laid down on the ground without moving.


Instructor: " Get up quickly, what's the matter?"


"I’m pretending to be dead." Chi Xiaoduo said with his head tilted.


The instructor laughed, picked up Chi Xiaoduo, and set him on the mat. His best friend made a bingo gesture with her hand. Acting cute, success.


Night time:


“Can we eat yet?” Chi Xiaoduo asked pitifully. “I’m so hungry.”


“Very soon,” Xiang Cheng busied himself in the kitchen, and turned his head back to ask, “Was the training very tiring?”




“Hmm” Chi Xiaoduo laid limply on the dining table as he propped his chopsticks on his head like feelers and waved them around in boredom, imitating a snail, and said, “And it was also very boring, and I missed you." 


"I’ll send you there tomorrow, then go out to do some stuff. Once that’s done, I’ll go watch you practice." Xiang Cheng replied, "Did someone bully you?" 


Chi Xiaoduo felt that he had succeeded in acting cute, and of course he couldn't let Xiang Cheng go there, otherwise he couldn't gossip with his bestie. 


Having eaten until he was full, Chi Xiaoduo sluggishly laid on the sofa and burped.


Xiang Cheng: "Go take a bath."


“I’m too full…..”


Chi Xiaoduo couldn’t do anything when he was hungry, couldn’t do anything when he was full, couldn’t do anything when he was hot, and couldn’t do anything when he was cold. When he was too happy he felt bad, and when he was sad, he also felt bad; even Chi Xiaoduo thought he was pretty high-maintenance right now. 


Xiang Cheng: "..." 


"Get up and watch TV." Xiang Cheng picked him up and let him lean against the sofa. Chi Xiaoduo again slid down slowly, and Xiang Cheng, having not even washed the dishes yet, took a pillow to prop him up. Chi Xiaoduo burped again and watched Xiang Cheng wash the dishes. 


Xiang Cheng washed and washed, then looked back to glance at Chi Xiaoduo, and met his gaze. 


"What are you looking at?" Xiang Cheng asked indifferently. 


"Watching you wash dishes." Chi Xiaoduo said, "This position is uncomfortable." 


Xiang Cheng dried his hands and helped him change his position. 


"Are you not washing anymore?" Chi Xiaoduo asked.


"We'll see later." Xiang Cheng took out the remote control and watched TV. 


Chi Xiaoduo thought to himself, acting cute, success. 


"If no one took care of you, you’d starve to death." Xiang Cheng joked with a smile, "If I have to go far away, I’ll have to pack you in my bag." 


"En, alright." Chi Xiaoduo said, "Don't send me to an aquarium, I will be bullied by electric eels and octopuses."


The next day, Chi Xiaoduo bounced around and dodged his bestie’s circle kicks as she also dodged his. 


"You guys are completely in love ah!" His bestie said, "What straight man would say something like he needs to pack you in his bag if he goes somewhere!" 


"Really?" Chi Xiaoduo asked, "Maybe he meant that he was going to split me up and put me in four garbage bags." He said this while dodging past his bestie’s kick towards his crotch. 


Bestie: “.....”


For nearly a month, Chi Xiaoduo acted cute at night and reported back to his best friend during the day. He successfully learned a little bit of how to do a back-throw and a knee-hook. He thought that he seemed to have completed his mission. No, why did he treat judo as a mission? What mission?


Chi Xiaoduo's work handover was also successfully completed. At the same time, he received the issued certificate and seal, and joyfully showed it to Xiang Cheng.


Xiang Cheng asked, "This certificate can be exchanged for 500,000 in three years?"


"Yes, yes." Chi Xiaoduo said, "Many design institutes and environmental protection companies are fighting each other to grab one ne."


Xiang Cheng couldn't understand it at all. You didn’t even have to do anything, you could just hand over the certificate to a design institute and could get a huge sum of 500,000 at that time. Also according to Chi Xiaoduo, you could still keep the certificate for yourself; as long as the parties involved had seen it, signed the contract, and handed in a set of complete materials including copies, then that was enough.


"What have you been busy doing lately?" Chi Xiaoduo found that Xiang Cheng wasn’t at home more often now. After sending Chi Xiaoduo off to class every day, Xiang Cheng would then pedal the bike to who-knows-where. 


"Looking for a job." Xiang Cheng said.


Guangzhou had ushered in June, the beginning of summer. Chi Xiaoduo saw Xiang Cheng dripping with sweat every day and thought, he hasn’t returned to his old job, has he. In addition, every day, Xiang Cheng seemed to have complex concerns going on in his heart. Chi Xiaoduo wanted to find a proper job for Xiang Cheng, but he was afraid to hurt Xiang Cheng's self-esteem like when he bought the cellphone for him last time. 


Although Xiang Cheng was very happy using his new cellphone, Chi Xiaoduo thought about how to find him a job in a roundabout fashion that was both decent and had good pay, but also couldn’t make him start suspecting that the amount of work he was doing and his pay weren’t quite equal. It was really a headache. That day, as soon as he got his certificate and showed it off in his Moments, Wang Ren called.


"Hey, Chi Xiaoduo." Wang Ren said, "Where's my security guard? When will he start work? "


Chi Xiaoduo: ".....”


"I'll hang my certificate up for you right away." Chi Xiaoduo said, "No need to say anymore."


Chi Xiaoduo glanced at Xiang Cheng on the sofa. Xiang Cheng was expressionless and sat while watching TV.


"Sell yourself to me, too ba." Wang Ren said, "Have you played around enough yet, come start work tomorrow."


"No——" wailed Chi Xiaoduo, turning over on his stomach to bask in the sun on the sofa and saying, "I'm not going to work!"


"I’m not talking about you." Wang Ren said, "You don't even work anymore. Is it fun to just stay at home every day keeping a duck company? You don't work, and the duck also won’t work? "


"He’s going to ah." Chi Xiaoduo said.


"If the duck doesn’t work," Wang Ren said, "won't his pride as a man be hurt?"


This remark hit Chi Xiaoduo's weak point. Chi Xiaoduo opened one eye and peeked at Xiang Cheng.


"I'll come to find you tomorrow." Chi Xiaoduo said, “We’ll figure out the situation with the certificate, and let’s talk about it more when we meet. I have a call coming la, not talking to you anymore. "


Chi Xiaoduo hung up and answered another call from Qi Wei.


"Xiaoduo?" Qi Wei's voice carried a smile. "I have a matter, and I want to borrow your family’s Xiang Cheng for it, is that okay?"


Chi Xiaoduo: "???"


Xiang Cheng came over, took the phone from Chi Xiaoduo's hand, and let out a careless “en.” Besides Chi Xiaoduo, he seemed to hold an indifferent attitude towards everyone, saying simple sentences, with only a few words coming out at a time. 




"Let’s talk later ba." Xiang Cheng said, "I'll think about it."


Chi Xiaoduo looked at Xiang Cheng with an inquiry in his eyes.


Xiang Cheng said, "I may have to go to Beijing in a few days."


Chi Xiaoduo: "How long? I'll go pack up, have you bought the ticket? "


"I'll go." Xiang Cheng said, "I’ll do something for Qi Wei and take an exam along the way."


"What exam?" Chi Xiaoduo asked.


"A certification." Xiang Cheng said, "I’ll come back soon, you don’t need to worry about it."


Chi Xiaoduo followed Xiang Cheng and asked, "What certification?"


Xiang Cheng replied casually, "National First Class Registered Exor..."


Chi Xiaoduo: "???"


"Exor..." Xiang Cheng stopped, turned to look at Chi Xiaoduo and said, "Give me a month."

Translator's Comment:

Juurensha: Chi Xiaomola, I don’t think you need to bend XC! But it certainly helps that apparently you were the gay awakening for multiple straight boys in college! Also, Bighead Carp and Mola Fish, besties for life!

This chapter is migrated and/or formatted by our fellow chicken enthusiast(s), juurensha.



Fic writer, editor, and translator for GHOFD, PUBG, Fanservice Paradox, and other projects.


Translator, writer, avid reader. 吃刀群众. Jiejie enthusiast.

Reach out to me via the links to the right if you would like to re-translate any of my works. Please allow 2 business days for a response to an email or a DM.


Where is food?


yolk heathen

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Haruki Natsuyu
Haruki Natsuyu
1 month ago

Wait. That time before he inhaled Lihun Pollen… what does Chi Xiaoduo has to do? And after that Xiang Cheng seemed to have turned sluggish, must have been stunned by what Chi Xiaoduo has done, making CXD grab this opportunity to find and inhale the Lihun Pollen… so, my dirty brain has been thinking that CXD must have kissed XC that time, risking it all since CXD knows that he will forget everything. Also, XC changed his interaction towards CXD after that. He became more intimate. So, i think that they might have kissed. XC was enlightened with his feelings and.. didn’t Qi Wei call them lovers? Qi Wei was listening to them that night… so he must have known that the two kissed hahahahaha

3 months ago

Thank you for your translation (°3°)

3 months ago

This story always brightens my day. Those besties are so funny together